I have been thinking recently about what it takes for me to cleanse. Why am I successful sometimes and not others? How do I stop myself from the all or nothing thinking that is so easy to fall into?
The times that I have successfully done a cleanse for the duration that I intended, I needed some real motivation. Motivation, for me, has not been weight loss, as I've mentioned in previous posts. Though, that is what people notice and comment on. Then I tell them about the improvement I've experienced in my digestion and elimination that is really what I was aiming for, and still am. When I did a cleanse last year, I was feeling very toxic, primarily from drinking, and I wanted to flush out so much of the waste in my body in a different way, so I chose a raw food cleanse. Motivation: what is important in your life? What do you want to show up for differently or feel better doing?
Timing is very important. Most of my friends have a lot of consciousness about what they eat, even when they don't eat the greatest things. When I was starting my cleanse, some friends gave me a small speech about how they wished they could start doing this for themselves and there seemed to be some shame about what they continued to eat. I said to them that I had wanted to do a cleanse several times over the last year, started for a day or two and stopped. It was really not the right time for me. It is also tough when you tell people you're starting a program, discover it's not the right time for you, and now those people can become reminders of your "failure." In my mind, you're not failing, it is just not the right time, likely because you haven't found the right motivation or the motivation is not strong enough yet. It is okay. Breathe, and be open to starting again. And maybe only share with people who are supportive and understanding.
Next, for anyone who has been keeping up, you know that I have been doing this cleanse for fifteen weeks and today starts week sixteen. I have not been perfect on it, and I wouldn't necessarily expect myself to be over this long of a time. I give myself leeway with some things that don't feel bad, and some occasions that feel like okay occasions to have a drink or eat a potato or whatever. I check in with how I feel, try not to overdo it, and I make sure that I don't sabotage myself because I ate something outside the "allowed" menu.
Sabotage has been a super-engrained pattern in my life, and I find because I started with a sturdy foundation on this cleanse, I am able to not wreck it all because of one free-eating meal. I also notice there are certain things that make me more likely to follow the crowd or eat something undesirable, so I steer clearer from those things or choose consciously to enter into those situations knowing that I will succumb and it will be alright.
I have been 98% or more on track with this cleanse overall. I think that's pretty damn good. I like that I have set myself up for success, and every once in a while success includes eating a potato. I have had people say that my way of eating right now is very extreme or they could never do this or whatever. To me, I am eating in a way that is pretty sustainable long-term. I give myself allowances, but not so much that I become re-addicted to the things I've let go (which is a very careful balance). I have let go of several things enough that I can really gauge how I feel when I eat them and why I don't want them to be a regular part of my diet. I found the right timing and the right motivation to start this, and I'm still trucking along.
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